The Holiday season starts this week. I will not promise a themed-newsletter for every holiday, but Pandemic Halloween deserves some lightening up.
We usually don’t think too much about other people’s Halloween costumes. We think about our own.
This is true for many things. We think far more about our own LinkedIn Profile than we ever worry about someone else’s. Our website’s font has to be perfect, but we have no idea what the font is on any other website. We try to sound smart when writing job descriptions, but we’ve never read a smart job description.
Basically, we spend a lot of time thinking about our things and very little about other people’s stuff.
An exception would actually be Halloween costumes because some people have atrocious taste in those costumes. A lot of them just don’t work.
So, let’s pretend for a minute that we really care about Halloween costumes.
The Spooky Good, Half-Hearted Halloween Costumes Guide 2020
Halloween was the only holiday that mattered at Denver School of the Arts. It was our homecoming. I don’t really know what a homecoming is, but we didn’t have one. That’s really where my judgment of Halloween costumes comes from.
In college, Halloween’s goals are spirited in a different way that I won’t cover here. Halloween was Halloweek at CU-Boulder, and the goal was to showcase as little fabric as possible.
After college, I retired from costumes. I have a Bugs Bunny Toon Squad jersey and hat that I wear in retirement. I’m just on the Halloween Costume Advisory Board now. So here’s the good, the bad and the alright.
Classic Halloween
What Works: I’d love to see a good vampire, werewolf or Frankenstein costumes. We can never have enough witches and pumpkins.
What Fails: Scaring little kids. Not cool, Kyle.
Cultural Characters
What Works: A recognizable character we haven’t seen in a while. Imagine a really good Pink Panther costume! I feel like cereal box characters could do well this year in this category.
Also, little kids get free reign here. Be your heroes, kids!
What Passes: Common store-bought costumes or generic costumes. We’re fine seeing 100 Where’s Waldo costumes. We’ve seen M&M’s before. We don’t know why you’re dressing like an M&M, but it’s fine.
Couples costumes also are passable. No one asked for them, including half of the couple.
What Fails: Trying to be funny never goes over well here. If you’ve decided to be a funny version of a cultural icon or have a different interpretation, please just be a ghost.
Political
The odds that you’ll come up with a good political costume are slim. What, are you kidding me? In 2020, you think you can pull off a political costume?
What Fails: A Biden or a Trump mask. Halloween is supposed to be an escape from our problems.
What works: Outside of a well-intentioned (but off the mark) elementary school “dress like your hero party,” this just isn’t going to work.
Your best attempt is some hybrid costume or satire. This was my wheelhouse in college. I was the Mad Hatter as a Tea Party candidate one year. Maybe you can top my idea: a sommelier with a rose-colored Make America Grape Again hat. See, not a lot of great options here. Next…
Social Commentary
Halloween sucks this year.
What Works: Timely costumes usually work, but can anyone think of anything timely that isn’t “too soon”? Baby Yoda will work this year and maybe (if done well) a post office worker stealing ballots.
What Fails: If someone sees a Coronavirus costume that works, please send it to me. I don’t think people will laugh at a restaurant owner dressed up as a bankrupt version of the Monopoly Man. Saying you’re going “maskless” is also not funny.
I know there will be Tiger King costumes; it’s not relevant anymore. This is a common costume fail. It’s not the Oscars. You don’t get to include everything that happened in the last year.
Homemade
What Works: Being a professional-level costume designer.
What Fails: People who think that they’re a professional-level costume designer.
Celebrities
What Works: Celebrities who have an identifying feature. You can dress like Prince but it’s tough to dress like Prince William.
What Fails: Any celebrity costume where someone has to ask, “Who are you?”
Understated Costumes
What Passes: Committing to just an accessory as a costume. Just having a headband or a hat or a funny T-Shirt. The hardcore people will want you to do more, but we get it. You’re fine. Thanks for playing.
What Fails: Any version of, “Hi, I’m dressed as myself.”