The Blinken Apartment Group wanted to rebrand its buildings to stand out, so it turned to Louis Sideways of Sideways Marketing. Sideways indeed showed up ready with some new ideas.
“The problem with apartment buildings is they all have names that tell you nothing about the apartment complex,” Louis Sideways said to the group. “Sometimes they are random names like The Martin or The Caroline. Sometimes, they are distinguished-sounding words like The Grotto or The Indigo. But these words mean nothing. They’re just something to put on a sign.”
“We agree,” Harry said, leader of the Blinken Apartment Group. “So, what are your different ideas?”
“To research this, I tried to spend time in as many of your apartment buildings as possible. I took up odd jobs as a delivery service man and a mover and masqueraded as a couch surfer.”
“Diligent,” Harry said, and the group murmured in agreement. Sideways always wondered why so many people attended these meetings. Just one person had an opinion. Everyone else appeared to be there to say they were at the meeting.
“I am nothing if not diligent,” Sideways said. Of course, Sideways wasn’t diligent, but a little credibility would help his pitch. “Here’s what I learned about apartments. No matter how much paint you use or hallways you redo, apartment buildings always feel their age. They appear to get old immediately—their value tanks like a used car.”
“Even our buildings?” Harry asked.
“I’ve spent the last week staying in the penthouse suite of the building you live in,” Sideways said. “Sorry for making all of the noise.”
Harry said nothing, so Sideways continued.
“The answer to this problem is to name the apartment buildings after cultural touchstones that are about the same age as the building,” Sideways said. “That 1970’s apartment on Park Ave.? Let’s rename that Disco Village. The 1990s apartment on 17th should be renamed the Beanie Babies Bungalow.”
“How does this help us rent apartments?” Harry asked.
“There will be no surprises when people show up. People will feel like the Michael’s White Glove building really is from the 80s.”
“But won’t that drive down the price if we’re admitting this?
“Well, you also need to rebrand everything to match the names. I’m not saying you put a disco ball in Disco Village, but you at least use flowery colors.”
“It seems like this is going to be more expensive,” Harry said.
“Expensive, but honest,” Sideways said.
Harry looked around the room. No one spoke up, but Harry decided for the group. “We don’t like this idea.”