The biggest fan of The Jungle was a little jumpy. Andy sat on his porch watching the news on a TV, with his iPad by his side to capture any news alerts. The Jungle had sent a reporter, Jess Crimson, to interview Andy because he logged the most time on The Jungle’s website and live news channel.
“What led to your interest in news?” Jess asked, pulling out her reporter’s notebook.
“Oh, I don’t know that I am interested in the news, per se,” Andy said. He drank from a giant gallon-sized health supplement bottle that appeared as an ad at the bottom of The Jungle’s website. “I never wanted to cover the news, but I always wanted to know what was happening.”
“How does The Jungle help you know what’s happening?” Jess asked. Andy shifted slightly.
“They send me alerts. They write headlines that terrify me. I know when the stock market goes down. I know when the President says anything. I know when Congress people say anything. I know the weather and the sports and the opinions of people.”
“Do you have a favorite writer?” Jess asked. She doubted it would be her—it was never the reporters.
“Bianca Strings, your restaurant critic. Not very much happens there. It’s soothing. Everything else is terrifying.”
Jess didn’t even know they had a restaurant critic, but she continued taking notes.
“How does keeping up on the news help you in the rest of your life?”
“The rest of my life?” Andy asked. “What life? Have you read the News? Fires, scandals, global warming, and celebrities punching people. I try not to leave the house. I don’t talk to my neighbors unless I think they’re hiding someone in their basement.”
Jess was alarmed. “But do you have a job?”
“Keeping up on the news is my job. I want to be an informed citizen.”
“You know, news is supposed to help you live your life, Jess said. “It should help you make informed decisions. It shouldn’t be your whole life. It’s okay not to pay attention for a while.”
“Is it?” Andy asked. “Do you know how often Breaking News occurs? On average, it’s every 11 minutes. In fact…”
Andy pointed to the TV as it flashed, Breaking News.