To: User
From: Calling Registry
Subject: Unregistered Calling
Unfortunately, you have not found your calling until you have registered it. Please call our customer service hotline at 1-555-My-Calling. We are open three days a week on a rotating schedule of hours not posted beforehand.
Some people ask if you really need to register your calling. In the past, you did not. However, due to an influx of people claiming to have found their callings, this service was created to verify all claims.
If you have truly found your calling, you must be willing to deal with customer service and put in the work. We’ll put you on hold. We’ll hang up on you. We’ll require documents that you do not currently have. We’ll administer tests that seem to have little to do with your calling.
Having a calling is not a guaranteed metric of success, happiness, or contentment. It will, however, allow you to answer questions at dinner parties. It will impress other people.
Having a calling may also stifle your creativity, drive and general health. It is a common cause of anxiety, imposter syndrome and unfair comparisons to people further along on their calling.
Note: If this is just an interest or curiosity, you do not need to register. This service is only for people who want their identity wrapped up in an unmovable word like “writer, stockbroker or beekeeper.”
If you simply want to make things better and explore your creativity, we suggest that you do not register.
Do not reply to this email. It is an automated message and we will not respond.