“You just have to apologize,” I said to Wally as we walked out of Target and headed for the parking lot.
“I’ve never been great at apologies,” Wally said. “Can I just send chocolate or wine or something?”
“After the story you told me, you cannot just send wine,” I said.
Wally’s crime was not out of character for him. He had seen our friend Jamie at a coffee shop where she was sitting with someone he didn’t know. Wally, without inquiring about Jamie’s tablemate, said he’d just heard some British people talking and it reminded him of the time Jamie had drunkenly paraded downtown pretending to be British. She’d convinced multiple people to buy her drinks because it was her first time in America. Wally was laughing, but Jamie seemed uncomfortable and the other person at the table looked horrified.
“Is this the kind of thing she does often?” the other woman asked.
“Oh, I have so many of these stories,” Wally replied. “I’m Wally, by the way.”
“Wally, this is Dolores,” Jamie said in a sad voice. “She’s a principal. We were discussing a job opening.”
“So sorry to disturb,” Wally said briskly and ran out of the coffee shop.
Wally clearly was looking for me to brush away his transgression, but he’d clearly cost Jamie a job. Jamie was one of our oldest friends from high school.
“Just apologize,” I said again.
Wally responded with a yelp. Jamie was walking towards us. The moment of truth was upon him.
“Here’s the formula,” I said, as Jamie approached, “Just say you’re sorry. Talk about how you weren’t thinking and were incredibly insensitive and ask if there’s any way to make it up to her.”
“Ok, but I can’t apologize if you’re standing here,” Wally said, looking around.
“Ok, I’ll go sit in the car. Give me the keys,” I said.
“No,” Wally said, “I want you in the vicinity in case I apologize wrong. Why don’t you do a good deed and put all of the shopping carts away?”
I looked at Wally like he was crazy, but Jamie approached and said hi to me. She was clearly mad and didn’t say a word to Wally but crossed her arms.
“Listen,” I said, “I am going to put some of these shopping carts away. Jamie, I think Wally has something he’d like to say.”
I nodded to Wally and began to roam the parking lot looking for the red shopping carts. I put them in their bins and, every now and then, overheard some things Wally was saying. Why couldn’t I have come up with a better excuse?
“You know, my father used to be a dentist. And sometimes the root canals went very badly…”
“Have you ever seen Mrs. Doubtfire? Well, I sometimes feel like…”
“Remember how he made a fool of himself by saying that thing to Jacquie and then…”
I became more and more frustrated waiting for the apology to end, but I was focused on the carts. This was like a big video game. Find all of the carts, avoid the cars, and put them away.
Once I put the carts in the cart corrals, I began to walk back towards Wally, but he motioned me away. So I decided I’d just gather them from the corrals and take them into the store. (By the way, I had to look up that cart return areas are called cart corrals to tell this story.)
I walked back to where Jamie and Wally were standing in an attempt to end what had to be the world’s worst parking lot apology. The corralling took a few more minutes and then I rolled them to the front of the store. The manager greeted me and thanked me for doing such a service. I felt pretty good about myself.
I was within a few feet of the pair and heard Wally talking about his accidental failure to eat a Vegan diet because he didn’t know the ingredients in pancakes when I heard someone behind me yelling.
“What were you doing?” I turned around and saw a store employee racing towards me. He was much bigger than me and clearly angry. I stopped and he continued to yell. “Why would you put all of the carts away? That is my one break in my whole life! I get a few minutes to put the carts away! That’s it! Why would you take that away from me?”
I froze and looked back at Wally and Jamie, who also looked very scared. However, remembering my advice to Wally, I tried it out.
“Listen, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how this might affect other people. I was just trying to distract myself while these two talked,” I said. I really didn’t feel like I’d done anything wrong, but I continued. “It was insensitive of me, and I should have asked someone if it was ok to do. Is there some way I can make it up to you?”
The employee’s expression softened.
“Listen, most of the employees would be thrilled if someone did this for them. So I get it. But, if you come back to this store and see me working, could you take your cart to the far end of the parking lot? There’s a great view of downtown from that part of the lot.”
I smiled and we shook hands. The employee walked away.
I turned to Jamie and Wally.
“That was scary,” Wally said. “But at least he apologized,” Jamie said. We both looked at Wally expectantly.
“So, do all pancakes contain eggs?” Wally asked.