Hey, Sitcom Advice. I forgot to apply for colleges, and now my friends are all getting into schools. I’m in a predicament. I was all set to apply to colleges, but then the holidays happened. You know how it is—Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and all. If I don’t devise some plan, I’m not sure my parents, friends and teachers will ever forgive me. What should I do?
-Not So Saved by the Bell
Jay: You couldn’t make time to apply for college? I don’t think you want to go, do you? Take a gap year, volunteer somewhere, go to Europe, or start a business. Whatever you think will make your parents the least upset with you should be your plan for the gap year. Of course, most gap years turn into gap decades, and you never go to college. Still, you don’t want to go to college, do you?
Eliza: Tell your parents those acceptance letters are coming. Then, ask your friends if you can see a couple of rejection letters. Rejection letters will be easy to forge, so you can make it seem like you got rejected from everywhere. Instead of being angry, your parents will be sympathetic. Then, you can apply to places with rolling admissions and few standards.
Gene: Call the number of every college admissions office you can find. Explain that your house was destroyed in a fire, and you can’t get into your email or receive mail. Ask if they have an update on the status of your application. Two things could happen. Maybe someone with the same name got in and you can claim to be that person. Or, the person working the desk might be too flustered and tell you that you got accepted. Then you can go to your parents with the news. You’ll have further challenges ahead, but hey, you’re in!
Kenny: Pick the school you want to attend and just go. Pay someone to let you move your stuff into their room when your parents drop you off, then find an apartment and enjoy a year of school without the pressure. Go to football games and parties. You could even attend some lectures if you want. The lectures are big enough that no one will ever notice. Then, you can apply next year. Just remember to actually apply next time.
About Sitcom Advice: This column takes the idea that four classic troupe characters in comedy play out repeatedly. These four troupes are the patriarch, the matriarch, the clown and the professor. Using shows like Seinfeld, Arrested Development and How I Met Your Mother, we explore Sitcom Advice from these four lenses.