Jason, the vampire, nervously waited to be announced as the judge for the pie-eating contest. Usually, the Vampire League sent a puppet to count pies at the pie-eating contest. However, there were too many things for puppets to count today, so Jason was asked to stand in for a vampire puppet.
“Now introducing, a real vampire to count the pies today—Jason!”
Jason wished he had not been introduced as a real vampire. It gave him imposter syndrome. In the eyes of the Vampire League, he was a real vampire, asked to stand in the place of his colleagues when needed. In the eyes of the public, he was still a human being.
Jason stepped out onto the stage and did his best impression of the most famous vampire puppet. “One vampire, ah ah ah…”
There was polite clapping from the audience. The five contestants looked at Jason warily.
“Jason, we want you to stand behind the contestants and count when they finish a pie,” the host said.
“Behind us?” one of the contestants asked. He had a shirt that said, ‘I’d Eat that Pie in the Sky’. “What if he bites us?”
“We don’t do that,” Jason the Vampire said. “We don’t bite people.”
“Sure you don’t,” said another contestant sarcastically.
“Look, it’s like being in Wisconsin,” Jason said. They were in Wisconsin. “You are all about to eat a food that is not cheese or beer. The biting thing is a specific stereotype, but it’s illegal to bite people, so we don’t bite.”
“A lot of these pies are actually cheese,” another contestant said.
Jason felt torn. He would lose points with the Vampire League if he said he was just a stand-in, but the pie eating must go on. Then he remembered a trick.
“Hold on, one moment,” Jason said. He went backstage, only to return a moment later with a hand puppet of himself.
“Let’s count some pies!” Jason yelled, moving his puppet to wild cheers from the crowd.