Hey, Sitcom Advice, I just started tuning into you guys. I am looking for creative ways to quit my job. I work at a creative agency (we make advertisements) and they never listen to my ideas. My boss Grace doesn’t like me at all. I get relegated to the least desirable projects, and even then, no one listens to my ideas. I want to show them that they’re missing out on me. Do you have any ideas on how to go out with a bang?
—Where there’s a Will, there’s a Grace
Jay: Oh man, this seems like a lot of work for something that’s as easy as writing a two-word email saying, ‘I quit’. I don’t know. Graffiti on the side of the building? Interrupt an office politics election? Order 10,000 tennis balls and release them into the office. Just quit.
Eliza: Make it a grand finale, Broadway musical number. Leave no stone unturned as you bring a chorus of people into the workplace to sing you out. You can commission someone to write a song for you or use a staple like “So Long, Farewell” or “My Way” by Frank Sinatra. I’m picturing dancers on tables, confetti, and maybe even an animal like a camel in the office. Make this something no one will forget, and everyone at this agency will feel like they have to top your finale when they quit.
Gene: Make this company really feel it. Call all the clients and tell them precisely what shortcomings this company has and why they should fire your firm. When you finish making your calls, go into your boss’s office, tell her everything you’ve done and walk out like a supervillain. I understand that everything about this plan sounds illegal, but if you do your job well enough, they won’t have enough money left to sue you. However, just in case, you should go to Winnipeg and let the heat die down.
Kenny: You could call a meeting and have a PowerPoint presentation ready. Make it seem like an exciting opportunity with a new client. Then the rest of the presentation is a setup. You go through all of your company’s creative failings and inter-office strife. Build a case where you understand the office better than the other people at the table. Then, just when they think they need you the most, you quit. You turn off the PowerPoint and walk out before anyone recovers from the stunned silence of this revelation. See you guys never!
About Sitcom Advice: This column takes the idea that four classic troupe characters in comedy play out repeatedly. These four tropes are the patriarch, the matriarch, the clown and the professor. Using shows like Seinfeld, Arrested Development and How I Met Your Mother, we explore Sitcom Advice from these four lenses.