“Is adoption right for your family or your business? Is there room in your heart for a lovable companion that many others have passed over? Could this be the thing that your relationship needs to heal? Imagine a life where you spend your time walking in the forest, maintaining a garden and raking sand. Don’t you want to open your heart to Hole 12 at the Finch Golf Club? Come on down to the clubhouse. Fall in love with the hole and see if adoption is right for you.”
The commercial read ended with KHLE’s radio DJ, Three-Putt Pete, starting a new track. Jimmy turned down the radio in his office at the Finch Golf Club and thought, “Hole 12 is a nightmare.”
The hole didn’t fit with the rest of the course. Tucked between the Haunted House and the Radio Station, people often skipped Hole 12 altogether. Sometimes, golfers arrived at the clubhouse, unsure how they’d only played 17 holes. Jimmy wanted to order signs to make the path to Hole 12 clear, but he needed someone to adopt the hole successfully to pay for the signs.
The first adopters raced drones. They set up a drone track around the golf course. It should have existed harmoniously with the golf course, but the drone racers gained too much pleasure from messing with the golfers. They tried to scare golfers as they were preparing to hit their next shots. They collided their drones with golf balls and dropped extra golf balls so people didn’t know which one was their ball. Finally, a handful of regulars declared war on the drones and hacked several out of the sky. When the owner of the drones came to complain, Jimmy pointed out that he had started the fight, and the drones (and their owner) left.
Next, a group decided to open a dog park after the course closed for the day. It seemed like a great idea, but the dogs did not treat the course with the reverence it needed. Within a week, the beautiful grass was gone and only dirt was left. The pond on the hole became filthy, with all the dogs jumping in. Owners never properly picked up after their pets, and dogs buried bones in the sand traps. For the integrity of the course, Jimmy moved on.
Finally, VR enthusiasts decided they wanted to use the space to play VR games. Jimmy was skeptical that the VR enthusiasts would avoid the golfers, but other problems arose. The VR people couldn’t deal with the uneven terrain. They got dizzy when the wind hit them, and the internet connection dropped in the middle of the hole. Truthfully, they came up with every excuse not to have to use their headsets anymore, which happens with VR a lot. They abandoned the course within a few days.
As Jimmy reflected on these disasters, his phone rang, and he answered it.
“Hello, we heard your ad on the radio and thought we might be the perfect fit to adopt your golf hole.”
Jimmy perked up in his chair. “That’s great. What kind of business do you run?”
“We’re an adoption agency. Your ad sparked our curiosity.”
“Sorry,” Jimmy said, defeated. “We tried dogs on the hole already. It doesn’t work.”
“Oh, not dogs, sir.”
“Kids?” Jimmy asked.
“No,” the person said, laughing. “You’re a great fit because you have space for our animals to lounge in the sun and a pond to keep them cool.”
“What’s your business?” Jimmy asked.
“We run an alligator farm.”
The Finch Golf Club is part of a series, you can read other entries here.