Third-grade music concerts are challenging to attend, even if it’s just a story about a third-grade concert. You don’t even have to hear the singing, but I’m sure you’re squirming.
Kathy, the music teacher, led the third-grade class on stage. In third grade, kids have trouble walking in a straight line without causing mayhem. However, the parents were worse than the processional. Each one was up front camera ready to document and share the disaster that followed. The parents’ tastes were blinded by their children.
Kathy, the music teacher, shared our feelings about third-grade music concerts.
“The first thing we must do at this age,” Kathy began, “Is get everyone on the same note.”
She played a note on the piano and had her four strongest singers sing that tone. She then pointed one by one until every kid was singing. It was all the same note. This sort of feat should have gotten a standing ovation, but the parents seemed confused.
Kathy then had the third graders perform a scale. On each note, she would pause until they sang the same note again—this sort of feat never before seen on a third-grade stage. Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti… (it took the longest to sing Ti in unison) Do.
The assembled parents completely underappreciated Kathy’s brilliant work.
Next, Kathy had her strong singers sing a folk song, and the other kids provided the rhythm by clapping. Again, the kids were all clapping in time—this would be like solving nuclear fusion in another field. Some tepid clapping followed from the parents.
Kathy was resigned to her fate. “And now the class will sing Sugar Ray’s 1999 classic, Someday.”
The parents cheered, and disorder followed.