Edgar and Regina sat in the Vampire League castle, looking at Jason with no expression as he entered the meeting room. The two vampires were both intimidating. The décor of the room was that of a medieval dungeon with flickering candles. The Vampire League did not redecorate often.
“Jason,” Edgar said, “We’ve gotten good reports.”
“Scare tactics, humor, even puppetry,” Regina said, “All excellent.”
“Thank you,” Jason said. “I just want to honor my position in the Vampire League.”
“You continue to do so,” Edgar said, “Why did you ask for a meeting?”
“I want to become a permanent vampire.”
Edgar and Regina laughed until they realized that Jason was not joking.
“Jason, you know our ways,” Regina said. “We don’t take in new members.”
“There are exceptions, though,” Jason began.
“Crimes of passion, moments of certain mortality and high achievement in the art of vamping,” Edgar listed off.
“Certainly,” Jason said.
“You were in a pizza commercial,” Regina said. “It was not a high achievement.”
“But it involved a lot of acting,” Jason said.
“You’re a vampire, it’s your job,” Edgar said.
“If I put myself in peril, would you admit me?”
“Not if you do it on purpose,” Edgar said.
“Well, that would leave…” Jason looked at both Regina and Edgar, but neither lunged with their fangs—no crime of passion. There was a long silence.
“We were thinking,” Regina said finally, and her following words would go down as some of the worst in the history of rejection. “There should be a vampire Christmas album.”