While Bryce waited for a business deal to go through, he decided to pontificate on the process of making a deal. His whole job is making such deals. He sits at the top of a seven-story building with a view of a back-alley dumpster and pulls strings like a puppet master.
The key, Bryce believes, is rumination.
Bryce told his associates and subordinates gathered around that the biggest things you must prepare for are disingenuous behavior: backstabbing, lying, renegotiation and breakups.
The deal he’s waiting on is one where his company would take over a complex manufacturing process, which includes a valuable supply of stored inventory.
He’s thought through all of the angles. He constantly ruminates on what he will do.
“In backstabbing, you need to think of anyone the target company might do a deal with to undercut you,” Bryce said, eating a pack of Twizzlers. “As you always want the upper hand, sometimes the business partner goes behind your back to get a better deal with a competitor that will hurt you. In the case of this company, we know who all of those people might be and strategically placed spies in those companies who will undervalue the brand we are trying to purchase. In this case, they won’t know the value of the inventory. Then, if they backstab us, we can still probably get what we want out of the deal at an even bigger discount.”
Bryce moved on to eating Junior Mints. He sends interns down the block constantly to raid the movie theater for different cravings.
“With lying, we often uncover companies that are being dishonest. For example, they may be making up numbers, hiding assets or concealing blemishes. When that happens, we flood their offices with lawyers, so they get scared and sell to us for a discount.”
Bryce called for M&M’s.
“Sometimes, like a house of cards, the whole deal falls apart, and the target company wants to renegotiate. When this happens, we act like we’ve been betrayed. We get angry. We bring up all of the things we’ve overlooked.”
When discussing breakups, Bryce ate gummy bears. He tore them in half as he talked.
“Finally, there’s the breakup, where the whole deal is off. We treat the company like the worst ex. We spread made-up rumors about them. We send them letters telling them how we’re better off without them. We strategically drive by their office with other companies,” Bryce said, smiling.
Just then, Bryce’s assistant ran into the room. “The deal is off!”
“What?” Bryce said, spilling a bucket of popcorn. “What game plan is it? Backstabbing? Lying? Renegotiation? Breakups?”
“Alligators,” the assistant said.
“Alligators?”
“The company was illegally hiding alligators in their basement. They got raided by the government.”
“Well, we can still buy the back inventory.”
“No. During the raid, the alligators escaped. Between the water damage and the animals, they destroyed everything, including the machines, the back inventory and even the fountain out front.”
Bryce put his head in his hands. Rumination had not prepared him for alligators.