Hey Sitcom Advice Crew. So my ex and I are trying to decide if we can be friends. Do you have any advice on how we can determine this?
—Laverne and Surely
Jay: I’ve spent too much time thinking about this question. In an ideal world, there would be a reality show called “Ex or Extra.” On the show, twenty former couples would come together in a house and be taken through a series of psychological, physical, and relationship tests to determine whether they could still be friends. The hope is that the show could actually get them back together or cause a lot of drama. Imagine two couples starting to date others in the house. It would cause a big mess. The show should also include making people go on trips, plan parties and attend family gatherings. These are all the places where relationships are likely to fail. So, anyway, I don’t know what you should do, but someone should make this reality show.
Eliza: No, don’t be friends. Take some time apart. Live your life. Get over each other. Friends should be people you don’t have to try so hard with. If you’re having to ask the question, cut things off. Friends can come and go in different seasons of your life. Maybe Spring will come around again. But it’s likely that right now, one of you is still hurting from the relationship. Let that wound heal away from the other person.
Gene: Exes only exist to humiliate me. I don’t want to be friends with any of them. In every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve either done something to cause the breakup, broken up poorly, or been so terrible that I don’t understand why the person won’t break up with me. I lose all respect for them, and so then I have to break up with them. If you have a congenial relationship with your ex, why are you breaking up?
Kenny: I called one of my exes and asked for his advice on this question. He responded by asking, “Why do you think we’re friends?” I said it was because we go to dinner sometimes and exchange texts on occasion. He pointed out that those dinners only ever happen with our mutual friend, Eliza, and that he is not my friend. This news was a shock to me. So maybe you don’t need an answer? Maybe you just hang out and see where it goes. Defining a post-relationship is tricky. So why do it at all? That’s why you get out of the relationship.
The gang gives lots of advice. Check out previous editions here. Learn more about the Sitcom Advice Crew.