Oliver is on a mission to figure out what he wants to do with his life. He is trying various career options and then reporting back on what he finds. Oliver recounts his experience as a Seasonal Worker.
One of the great things about being a freelance journalist (pretty sure this counts as journalism) is getting to take advantage of great employment opportunities. There are so many opportunities for workers during the Christmas season.
In early November, I traveled to the mall to find out where they would most like to have me work this holiday season.
First, I found the mall’s director and asked if I could plan the mall’s Christmas decorations. The man informed me that the mall had a team whose whole job it was to plan decorations a year in advance, and they did not take random advice from people who just walked in off the street wearing a shirt featuring a toucan in sunglasses. I tried taking off the shirt, but he threatened to call security.
Next, I found the people putting up the Christmas decorations and decided to start helping them to see if I liked it. Two guys were unloading giant glass angels— a tedious process. I decided to tackle an angel by myself and got it out of the box, but as I put it down, it toppled over and shattered two other angels.
The workers looked at me, astonished. I ran away and yelled back at them, “I can’t believe you did that.”
Tired from running, I found myself in front of “Santa’s Workshop,” where kids take pictures with Mr. Claus. I walked in and announced, “I’m here!”
“Who are you?” said an elf herding a family through the long waiting cue.
“I’m Santa,” I proclaimed.
“Santa’s that way, toucan shirt boy,” the elf said.
“Oh, you already have a Santa,” I said. “Can I be an elf?”
“What makes you good elf material?” the elf asked.
“I’m more elfish than selfish,” I said.
“We don’t take funny elves,” the elf said, and turned to talk to a little girl who was very confused by a guy wearing a toucan shirt and sunglasses, who thought he might be Santa.
Undaunted, I knew I had one more shot to get into the holiday spirit. I walked into the Hallmark store, which had a sign in its window looking for seasonal workers. I found the manager.
“I would like a job,” I said.
“Great. We’re desperate,” the manager said. He went to get me an application.
When he came back, I announced, “I can’t work Black Friday or the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I also can’t work Christmas Eve.”
“Get out!” the manager yelled.
“Don’t I get a free tote bag for coming into the store?” I asked, pointing to a sign. The manager grabbed a snow globe to throw at me, and I decided to bolt.
Seasonal work may hold infinite opportunities, but it’s not worth the cost. All the employees at the mall seemed under incredible stress. Maybe it’s better for me to just relax this holiday season.