“Let me show you the Insecurity Desk where we work,” Lenny said to the newest recruit. They walked over to a desk in the lobby of an office building that looked like any other security desk. However, it was labeled Insecurity Desk in sharp black letters. “It says here that your character’s named Maxey.”
“Why do we need to be characters?” Maxey asked as they stood in front of the desk. Maxey’s real name was James.
“We have a very busy boss, a talent agent,” Lenny said as he stepped up behind the desk. He was peering down at Maxey in an intimidating way. “Our job is to try to intimidate anyone who comes in to submit a screenplay or an audition tape so they don’t go upstairs.”
“So we stand up here and do what?” Maxey asked—he thought that Lenny seemed to be such a nice guy until he got behind the desk.
“First, we act like we couldn’t care less. That’s why we dress like we’re in a French jazz club with berets and scarves and sunglasses. Then, we figure out how to make it clear that this person has no chance. Let’s roleplay this scenario, Improv style.”
“Sure,” Maxey said. He wanted to be an actor—that’s why he’d been interested in this job. Lenny handed Maxey a screenplay called Marigold Fields and told him to walk in.
“Oh, so you brought a screenplay,” Lenny said, leaning over and grabbing it from Maxey. “Just one? Not a good start.”
“I could go back to the car and get more,” Maxey suggested.
“Only if you need to go get whatever clothes you want to wear to this interview,” Lenny said, pausing and then looking Maxey up and down. “Oh, that’s what you were planning to wear?”
Maxey was flustered and getting hot, even in this roleplay. Lenny started flipping through the script. “What is this script? Just some sort of boy meets girl, mistakes were made…”
“Actually…”
“Actually? If I can’t tell you what this thing’s about from the title, you’ve got very little chance. But go ahead, go on up. What are you, the 200th person to come through this office today? Do you have your elevator pitch ready? If you can’t impress the elevator operator, he won’t let you up.”
“Wait, there’s an elevator operator?” Maxey asked.
“No, but it’s a good way to make people more nervous,” Lenny said with a laugh, breaking character. “Sometimes people come back and ask if they’ve gone to the wrong elevator.”
“That was intense,” Maxey said. He was sweating and feeling dizzy.
“That’s not even the worst one. If someone brings an audition tape, we take the flash drive, CD, or whatever and play it on the screen behind us so everyone in the lobby can see it. Then we make fun of it.”
“I’m not sure I can do this job,” Maxey said.
“Oh, it’s fun. Come on back here,” Lenny said. “We have foot massagers, TVs, snacks. And whenever our boss needs an extra in a movie, he picks us. I was in the last Fast and Furious.”
“What was your role?”
“Security guard.”