When Patty opened the door for her Friendsgiving, she did not expect to see a man and a woman, both dressed in brown jackets and wearing sunglasses, standing at her door.
“Hello,” said the man. “I’m Charles from the Thanksgiving Decorum Committee—the TDC. My partner is Selena. We’re here to make a Thanksgiving ruling.”
“This isn’t a Thanksgiving,” Patty said with alarm. “This is a Friendsgiving.”
“We’ll be the judge of that,” Selena said. “Please gather your guests in the living room.”
The two TDC agents wandered the house as all of the guests made their way to the living room. They looked at the turkey. Selena noted in her report that it appeared to be a little dry. Charles stated in his report that Christmas decorations seemed to be popping up before Thanksgiving. They both noted that the side-to-guest ratio was low.
When all 13 guests were gathered in the living room, Selena took the lead in speaking to them.
“It’s been brought into question whether this is a Friendsgiving or a Thanksgiving. We’re here to reach a verdict on that question.”
“It’s a Friendsgiving,” Patty, the host, insisted. “But also, why does it matter?”
“In the history of Thanksgiving, we all know that everyone is only authorized to attend one Thanksgiving a year, unless they enter a family by marriage or a family is split by divorce. Then the limit is two Thanksgivings,” said Charles, who enjoyed giving these talks. “If we determine that this is a Thanksgiving, not a Friendsgiving, people will have to decide whether to count this towards their Thanksgiving meal total.”
“What if we just don’t give out leftovers?” Patty suggested.
“The rule still stands,” Selena said. “Now raise your hand if you’re a relative of Patty’s.”
Five of the 12 guests’ hands went up.
“See, not even half of the group,” Patty said, satisfied.
“Unfortunately, the threshold for Thanksgiving is forty percent,” Charles said. “Therefore, this is a Thanksgiving. We will post the proper notice on your door. Happy Thanksgiving!”