Hey, Sitcom Advice Crew. Sports! Am I right? I had the unfortunate experience of sitting next to some obnoxious visiting fans at a recent football game. They intentionally blocked people’s views, tried to start fights, and spilled their beer everywhere—mainly on themselves and my coat. With the Super Bowl* coming up, how do you suggest people deal with obnoxious fans at their parties?
—Sunday Night Fights
*We think that we can say Super Bowl because this is a parody, but if not, we’ll change it to the “Big Game” so we don’t get sued.
Jay: The thing I hate about obnoxious fans is that they are also idiots. They don’t understand the rules. They think players like Tom Brady and Marshawn Lynch are still playing. They listen to one of those yelling sports podcasts and parrot the takes. They also usually have no loyalty to a city—they’re Yankee, Patriot, Laker, and Red Wings fans. They don’t have jobs, and they don’t appear to have any meaningful relationships in their lives. How did they even get invited to your party? I say celebrate the great plays by your team and try to ignore them. If they try to fight you, give them a math problem, and they’ll shut down because they won’t be able to solve it.
Eliza: Trash talk that guy—we know it’s a guy. What’s he going to do? Well, I guess he could fight you. But what are the odds of that? He’s probably going to be the drunkest person there, so you can just wait him out. I’ve found that the most obnoxious fans usually run out of energy midgame because they can’t handle the number of beers they’ve had. Also, everyone is going to pile on this guy. You’ll be fine!
Gene: Tell on him! At a game, if a fan is being annoying, I immediately find the usher and tell security he’s using all kinds of words he shouldn’t. They don’t know what that means, immediately freak out, and watch him like a seahawk. If he’s blocking people’s views and taunting fans, he’ll be out of there in no time. If it’s at a Super Bowl party, do the same thing with the host. Tell on the bad behavior—even if it’s their husband, brother, or best friend. Maybe you can even end a friendship because of this fan. People have gotten divorced after Super Bowl parties!
Kenny: In the game of chance that is the universe, you became a fan of one team, and this agitator is a fan of another team. Neither of you has any control over the outcome of the game. Perhaps at a game, you can yell enough to affect the other team’s quarterback, but otherwise, the game is in the hands of the sports gods. Inherently, no team is predestined to be better than another. Each sports franchise travels its own path, colliding with other teams to determine outcomes. Be respectful to the opposing fans and make it clear that you expect respect from them. They can celebrate when their team wins. Doesn’t it seem like their team always wins? You can celebrate if your team wins. At the end of the day, we watch sports because we don’t know what will happen. We have hope that one day it will be our team winning the big game. However, with every loss and disappointment, every bad fan and unfair tactic, the story of your team builds. When you do win it all, it will be ever sweeter for every one of those bad experiences you battled along the way—unless you’re a Cleveland Browns fan, because they’re never going to win.
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